How does a word become so loaded with insult and crudity that it becomes totally intolerable in the presence of many people?
Why can't some people stand even a "darn", whilst others will drop the F-Bomb before every noun?
Is swearing a sin?
Last night I sat down to watch the first episode of 'The Wire' on DVD which I have been very much looking forward to. Every review I have read has been full of superlatives - no reviewer has been able to praise it enough. As it is an ultra-realistic portrayal of drug dealing and policing in Baltimore I expected some swearing but I was quite taken a back by the quantity of expletives on offer. Now although I don't enjoy hearing it, I can tolerate it. My wife cannot. Although she was not watching it she was in the same room perusing the internet, and commented, more than once, that this was perhaps too much and I should turn off. Is she right?
Quite frankly, I blame my Mother.*
I am one of the few people I know who has any recollection of their mother swearing. (Apparently most mum's don't want their kids to pick it up or something).
I can just picture the scene now:
We would be having a pleasant family meal at the dinner table with the 6 o'clock news muttering dimly in the background. Then the presenters would move to an item concerning the NHS (nurses' pay, hospital funding etc.) and on screen would pop up the Tory Health Secretary explaining why they were cutting this or not raising that... and our pleasant evening supper would be broken by my dear mother with "That is .....(insert expletive)....., He/She is such a .....(insert expletive).....".
Consequently my tolerance of swearing seems to differ from many Christians. I meet people all the time who think that swear is to sin. Full stop. No excuses. Wash your dirty mouth out with soap.
Yet more recently I've begun to notice a lot of Christians who are almost "pro-swearing". They will insert a "sh*t" or a "cr*p" into casual conversation and even, when feeling particularly brave, the F-Bomb. The reasoning being two fold: a desire to be free from laws/rules/religious attitudes and more truthfully, a penchant for the shocking or controversial.
As it happens I don't 'value' swearing.
I once heard it referred to as "the last refuge of an inarticulate mind". And that has stuck with me.
Yet perhaps because of my Tory-Minister-Baiting upbringing (which I am grateful for!) and a more laid back approach to life, I would certainly class myself as a 'stub-your-toe' swearer. Sometimes extreme situations require extreme words. Yet if it can be avoided, which it clearly can, why do I bother?
I don't swear at church, or work, or in front of my children or my grandparents - does that make me a hypocrite?
The most important thing, I believe, is awareness of others. I have no problem with offending people, as regular readers will have noticed, but equally I have no interest or pleasure in offending either.
There needs to be give and take. We each have a capacity to choose the extent of our offence by another person's swearing - and that is often determined by where it occurs, when it occurs and the intentions behind it. Yet many do not exercise any choice whatsoever. After they have been inflicted with the crude and evil words they rush home to have a shower to rid themselves of the obscenities!
I can remember watching a program once about the 'C' word. (Yep, that 'C' word!). They made a really interesting observation that the working classes and the upper classes have a quite a high tolerance of swearing whilst the middle classes have a painfully thin tolerance threshold. The point they made was that the middle classes are in some moral panic to distance themselves from the crude and pugnacious Proles whilst the upper classes didn't really give a 'stuff'' (Or a 'toss'). A sweeping generalisation for certain - but a thought worth considering.
So, I fully intend to watch the remaining 12 episodes of Season 1 of "The Wire" - but there are two things I will bear in mind:
1. I have never met anyone who wished they swore more.
2. It is entirely possible to never utter an expletive in your life whilst being the most offensive and ignorant person on the planet.
Where do you stand on 'eff-ing & blinding'?
dg
*sorry Mum!
4 comments:
I can relate, I'm a "Stub-yer-toe" swearer. I say the S Word too much and in extreme circumstances I drop the odd F-bomb as you call it. My swearing is very situation specific, never in church and never infront of in laws. I wish I swore less and I don't think it's ingrained enough in me to say that I could never stop. I wish people would get at me more about it when i do. For me, it's not ok but like so many other things you kinda have to live with it.
My grandmother is known to this day as the only grandmother who would if prompted to do so use the D@*£KHEAD word. As kids that word was in everyday usage in my house, it was normal for us and for most of my friends it was extreme and completely of limits. Still we used it for years upon years and never had a second thought. That word for me is normal, totally acceptable yet I get shocked and a little offended when my Father-In-Law says "B*ll^%ks" (in the "making a b..ll..ks of something" context)
The scope of my swearing has broadened over many years and i hate it, I really do. I swear more often and my vocabulary has grown too. I have noticed a whole bunch of Christians that never swore in the past and only in the last few years have started to do so on a whole new level. Explicit everday usage of "W" "F" "Sh" B" is not uncommon and the "A-hole" word has become so common I'd almost miss it if it was stopped.
I find Christians that take the swearing to this level a little embarassing, it makes me cringe when people who never did before somehow acquire a whole new wardrobe of words. It's contrived and doesn't suit a lot of people.
I reckon it's born out of people thinking they've discovered that to be a Christian is to be so much more than having to worry about our language. On one level that's very true, so very true but on another it's so very not. I think it's got a lot to do with Christians wanting to detach them selves from the Christian cliches - it's the "I'm just like you but a Christian" Syndrome. On one level it makes sense but still falls short. Like the Christians that get drunk and all pretend it's all ok.
We don't give the green light to inappropriate and reckless actions in Christain circles - we're quick to step in and rebuke. Why do we feel it's ok to standby and endorse offensive language which neither builds up or does any good at all.
I love words - I have a real appreciation of them having studied Modern Languages for many years. Words aren't just words, they carry so much inside and I think it irresponsible to just remove oneself from the duty to use them correctly.
A friend of mine and myself had a daft discussion a while ago...
My friend thinks that God would rather here someone praising him saying....
"God, you are f"£$king amazing! I love you"
rather than nothing at all.
I wasn't so sure.
I'm as bad as the next, my swearing for me is too much but I truthfully can't arsed dealing with it.
good thoughts
Swear words vary from culture to culture as well... for example S**t is perfectly acceptable in other countries as a "normal" word. Also there are plenty of words that can cause great offence without being classed as a swear word. Great post though. Foxy
Hmmm. For me there is a debate between what society might call "swearwords" and what Christ may have labelled a "curse". And it is here that I try to direct my own verbage.
I have some friends who regularly use swearwords, as a completely integral part of their vocabulary, but without intending harm or offense to people. But to curse (with or without using swearwords) to me is a much more powerfully destructive tool. Jesus cursed a fig tree and it died. So to me it is more about the intention behind the usage, the "heart" with which it is said. If it is used to crush and destroy, swearing to me becomes cursing.
I have often used swearing in times of high emotion, anger, and/or passion, but rarely found that they have improved either my emotional state or the final outcome.
It does not make it right, but the usage of swearwords as an integral part of vocabulary does for me veer away from cursing into a purely habitual use. This may be offending for some, but I don't see it as a "curse".
So for those (me included) who don't swear much, the weight behind it is much heavier, i.e. when I do, it is more likely a curse that is intended to offend/destroy/upset/harm. And generally, I don't want to do those things.
Finally, someone once said to me "it's okay to curse or swear at the enemy" (implying that it's the only justifiable case). I'm really unsure about this one, is it a means to "tell him where to go", or a simple lowering to his level?
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